Rachel's world:

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"Rachel, calm down and use your words. Use your quiet voice."

Of course, she doesn't always give up when she isn't understood; sometimes she has a tantrum. It's often hard to figure out what sets her off, and it's always hard to decide what to do next. Colleagues and friends who don't know Rachel tend to say things like "Well, I've got a 15-year-old in my house who still has tantrums." It is not the same. Having thought about this at length in an objective, scientific manner while my blood is racing, my ears are pounding, and my hair is being pulled out of my head, I conclude that there is a fundamental difference between a "regular" child's tantrum caused by hunger, fatigue, or a fine sense of dramatic manipulation and Rachel's tantrums caused by her rage at the world's failure to understand her or explain to her why she can't have what she wants. Then again, maybe it's just a 2-year-old's tantrum in a 7-year-old body.

"Rachel, Daddy is leaving. Can you say bye-bye Daddy?"

She doesn't say it. She doesn't really even look up when I leave, although I'm told that she sometimes runs around the house shouting, "Daddy! Daddy!" after I've gone. Some friends and acquaintances think we're heroes for "all we've done" for Rachel. Others would rather not think about it at all. I don't feel like a hero, because I didn't volunteer for this job. Most of the time, I'm not sad about Rachel because she learns, loves, and is often happy. But sometimes, in the morning as I prepare to leave for work, I hope that she will say "Hi, Daddy."

Reprinted from Exceptional Parent, March 1994.

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