November 21, 2009
UTNE READER

Life Without Father:

(Page 6 of 9)

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It is not yet clear why fathers are so important in instilling this quality. Perhaps merely by being with their children they provide a model for compassion. Perhaps it has to do with their style of play or mode of reasoning. Perhaps it is somehow related to the fact that fathers typically are the family's main arbiter with the outside world. Or perhaps it is because mothers who receive help from their mates have more time and energy to cultivate the soft virtues. Whatever the reason, it is hard to think of a more important contribution that fathers can make to their children.

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Men, too, suffer grievously from the growth of fatherlessness. The world over, young and unattached males have always been a cause for social concern. They can be a danger to themselves and to society. Young unattached men tend to be more aggressive, violent, promiscuous, and prone to substance abuse; they are also more likely to die prematurely through disease, accidents, or self-neglect. They make up the majority of deviants, delinquents, criminals, killers, drug users, vice lords, and miscreants of every kind. Senator Moynihan put it succinctly when he warned that a society full of unattached males 'asks for and gets chaos.'

Family life--marriage and child rearing--is a civilizing force for men. It encourages them to develop prudence, cooperativeness, honesty, trust, self-sacrifice, and other habits that can lead to success as an economic provider. Marriage also focuses male sexual energy. Having children typically impresses on men the importance of setting a good example. Who hasn't heard at least one man say that he gave up a socially irresponsible way of life when he married and had children?

The civilizing effect of being a father is highlighted by a path-breaking program started in 1982 in one of Cleveland's inner-city neighborhoods by social worker Charles Ballard. Using an intensive social-work approach that includes home visits, parenting programs, and group therapy sessions, he has reunited more than 2,000 absent, unwed fathers with their children through his Institute for Responsible Fatherhood and Family Revitalization.

The standard theory is that if you want inner-city men to be responsible fathers, you first must find them a job. Ballard has stood this theory on its head. His approach is that you first must convince the young men of the importance of being a good father, and then they will be motivated to finish school and find work. An independent evaluation of his approach showed that it works. Only 12 percent of the young men had full-time work when they entered his program, but 62 percent later found such work, and 12 percent found part-time jobs. Ninety-seven percent of the men he dealt with began to provide financial support for their children, and 71 percent had no additional children out of wedlock.

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