November 22, 2009
UTNE READER

The Father Fixation

(Page 3 of 3)

September/October 1996
Judith Stacey, Utne Reader 
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Yet here the social science record is truly uniform. Nearly three decades of research finds gay and lesbian parents to be at least as successful as heterosexuals. Dozens of studies conclude that children reared by lesbian or gay parents have no greater gender or social difficulties than other children, except for the problems caused by homophobia and discrimination. Ironically, some of the worst risks these children suffer stem from our failure to legally recognize the actual two-parent families in which many live. For example, a child whose lesbian birth mother dies often loses a second parent too, as Kristen Pearlman did in 1985 when a Florida court placed her in the custody of her grandparents rather than her surviving co-mother, Janine Ratcliffe, who had helped parent her since birth. Anyone who cares about the welfare of children should campaign to extend full marriage and custody rights to their parents rather than belittle them for lacking a father or mother.

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It is time to face the irreversible historical fact that family diversity is here to stay. Of course, two good parents of whatever gender generally are better than one. But no one lives in a 'general' family. Our unique, often imperfect, real families assume many shapes, sizes, and characters. Each type of family structure has characteristic strengths, vulnerabilities, and challenges, and each needs support and deserves respect. We can't coerce or preach people into successful marital or parenting relationships, but we can help them to succeed in the ones they form. If we really care about real families, we need to do all we can as a society to foster successful family bonds in as many patterns as we can create. We need to promote--instead of divisive, self-righteous family values--inclusive, democratic, and compassionate social values. 

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