The Politically Correct Kama Sutra

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The Howler Monkey Embrace and the Bull Elephant Embrace

If the man seizes the woman in the Howler Monkey embrace, when the woman desires the Bull Elephant embrace, she should say so. If the man feels that the Bull Elephant embrace is inappropriate--if it, for example, represents a macho stereotype that he is trying to transcend--he should express this perspective and explain why the Howler Monkey embrace would make him feel more comfortable. If the woman feels that the man's insistence on the Howler Monkey embrace is an attempt to silence her, she should say so, illustrating her perspective with stories from her childhood. If the woman wishes to take the male role and perform the Bull Elephant embrace herself, she should explain her desire. If this proposal causes uneasiness in the man--if, for example, his lingam withers--he should make his feelings clear--without, however, implying that there is anything "wrong" or "bad" about the Bull Elephant embrace, or any of the other embraces, or any of his partner's desires. If the lovers cannot come to an agreement about their embraces before dawn gilds the hills, they may meditate, then fall asleep.

Leave the Rabbit Alone

When the lovers decide to join in any of the Animal Embraces mentioned above, and in others such as The Vulture Has Second Thoughts, The Mule Escapes Exploitation, and The Antelopes Form a Support Group, they first enter into deep meditation, facing one another, breathing deeply, and sensing their oneness with all creation. The lovers then call into question the very idea of using animal names to describe human sexual activities. Rejecting this subtle mode of domination of the natural world, they separate, enter once again into profound meditation, then fall asleep.

Of Good and Evil Lingams

When the man is unable to perform the joyful duties of love due to a lingam withered by self-consciousness or low self-esteem--or when a woman wishes to pleasure herself or another woman--an artificial lingam may be employed. Lingams of ivory, polished bone, ebony, and aloe wood produce indescribable pleasure: ripples of ecstasy like all the oceans of the world rolling through the fevered limbs of the woman. Unfortunately, these lingams may not be used, as they are derived from rare and endangered plant and animal species. Instead, lingams made of compressed plastic six-pack binders, kenaf, or recycled paper must be used. These good lingams are beloved of the wise, not only because they help save the planet, but also because they encourage women to have realistic expectations.

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