The Road to Invisible

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Repeat in 3 years.

Want to keep certain medical procedures out of your records? Pay cash. Tell your doctor not to share your records without your permission.

The average person is on 200 databases; pay PrivacyScan $29 to search 1,600 for info about you. Also download a form to check your FBI file. (www.privacyscan.com)

OOPS. You forgot to disable the 'cookies' that track your Web surfing. Learn how ( www.junkbusters.com). Or surf anonymously (www.anonymizer.com).

Only visit Web sites with 4-star ('contact with permission') TRUSTe ratings. Avoid 1-star sites ('share without permission'). Check ratings (www.truste.org).

Still nervous? Download PGP (Pretty Good Privacy) encryption freeware for secure message and info exchange web.mit.edu/network/pgp.html. Or communicate by shortwave radio or message drops.

OOPS. You can't resist the online sweepstakes. You go to www.iwon.com, where clicking creates entries. You win $10 million. You're in the spotlight now.

Your only hope now is a new identity. You're rich: surgically transform yourself into Rock Hudson. Find out how in the cult film Seconds (1966). Just don't let Oprah know.

Not in a surgery mood? 'Borrow' a Social Security Number: Maria von Trapp (009-32-2317) or Liberace (472-14-4916). Avoid stealing one from an accident victim-too many people do it.

Or maybe a new birth certificate is easier. Trent Sands' Reborn in the U.S.A.: Personal Privacy through A New Identity (Loompanics, 1998) tells you how to forge one.

OOPS. You tried it in Virginia, the toughest state for such shenanigans. You get arrested. Even if proven innocent, your prints, mug, and vital stats stay on file with the police, state, and FBI.

Must be time to read Hide Your A$$et$ and Disappear: A Step-by-Step Guide to Vanishing Without a Trace by Edmund J. Pankau (HarperCollins, 1999).

Or try I Am Not A Number! Freeing America from the ID State (Loompanics, 1998): Claire Wolfe says you can buy citizenship in privacy-friendly EnenKio Atoll for $75/ person.

Need more options? Become a Sovereign Individual (www.sovereignsociety.com) or support Oceania, a proposed floating privacy haven in international waters (www.oceania.org).

Tired of being alone on the privacy road? Rat on a mob boss and join the witness protection program.

Or take a tip from Diogenes, an ancient dropout who lived in a bathtub and spent his days searching with a lantern for an honest face: The quickest road to invisible is to get rid of everything anyone else would want.

O.K., you're totally anonymous now. You've lost your friends, health insurance, citizenship, and maybe your identity. Wouldn't it be better to campaign for a Constitutional privacy amendment?

You mean, take part in the political process? Go back to square one!

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