Conversation Au Lait

In Seattle coffee shops, people from all walks of life talk about what matters to them

By Joseph Hart, Utne Reader
July/August 2002 Issue

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The idea is simple: Strangers drop in at a Seattle coffeehouse, sit down at a table, and, following a few simple ground rules, talk about the issues of the day. Right-wingers exchange opinions with left-wingers and moderates—without Bill O’Reilly–style bullying or histrionics. Homeless people talk with lawyers, homemakers, and computer geeks. Mutual respect grows, friendships are fostered. Participants are encouraged to return to the café the next time a discussion is scheduled there—or to take part in many others around the city. It’s an off-the-cuff, free-form salon that doesn’t ask for any commitment other than good manners and heartfelt participation while you’re at the table. And it could change the world, says Vicki Robin, who dreamed up the idea.

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Robin, a Seattle-based pioneer in the voluntary simplicity movement, is probably best known as the co-author of Your Money or Your Life, a best-selling guide to living better by spending less. She says the idea for conversation cafés began as an attempt to take the ideas of personal transformation in the book to a new level. The nine-step plan outlined in Your Money or Your Life relies, in part, on simple strategies for saving and investing. But the most important steps in the plan, she says, call for deeper self-examination: "It’s not so much about frugality as about reflecting on your behavior in light of your values. So how do you create a more reflective culture?"Last summer, in her quest to bring about engaged self-reflection, Robin got together with some friends to experiment with ways to produce meaningful conversation. Eventually she hit upon the "conversation café" model, a convenient drop-in form of salon that she describes as a hybrid of the council (a Native American tradition in which participants speak in turn, without interruption) and a back-and-forth dialogue. Participants sign on to ground rules (bring genuine energy to the table, agree to listen closely, don’t strive to "win") that promote honesty and active participation—and the conversation flows from there. "They’re not there to market to each other, or organize each other into campaigns. They’re not there to lecture," Robin says. Instead, they’re encouraged to reflect, and to rethink their own assumptions. "That spaciousness to actually think—about your premises, your projects, and about what’s important—opens up possibilities," she adds.
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