November 22, 2009
UTNE READER

Rachel's Last E-mail

(Page 2 of 2)

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One of the core members of our group has to leave tomorrow, and watching her say goodbye to people is making me realise how difficult it will be. People here can't leave, so that complicates things. They also are pretty matter-of-fact about the fact that they don't know if they will be alive when we come back here. I really don't want to live with a lot of guilt about this place'being able to come and go so easily'and not going back. I think it is valuable to make commitments to places so I would like to be able to plan on coming back here within a year or so. Of all of these possibilities I think it's most likely that I will at least go to Sweden for a few weeks on my way back'I can change tickets and get a plane from Paris to Sweden and back for a total of around 150 bucks or so. I know I should really try to link up with the family in France but I really think that I'm not going to do that. I think I would just be angry the whole time and not much fun to be around. It also seems like a transition into too much opulence right now'I would feel a lot of class guilt the whole time as well.

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Let me know if you have any ideas about what I should do with the rest of my life. I love you very much. If you want you can write to me as if I was on vacation at a camp on the big island of Hawaii learning to weave. One thing I do to make things easier here is to utterly retreat into fantasies that I am in a Hollywood movie or a sitcom starring Michael J Fox. So feel free to make something up and I'll be happy to play along.

Much love Poppy.

Rachel

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