November 21, 2009
UTNE READER

Decisions, Decisions

(Page 2 of 2)

May / June 2003
Jon Spayde Utne magazine 
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Exploring and Acting: Say that you?re energized by the political perspective on unemployment. Kimsey-House outlines how he would then approach your situation. ?I might brainstorm with a client various aspects of the perspective, throwing ideas up for further inspection, or even doing art or collage. Again, we?ll eventually hit on one or more things that really excite the client. Maybe there?s excitement around the idea of working in a group for political change. As we explore it, it might turn out that group work becomes the main source of energy, and politics fades. Or vice-versa.? Step by step, by remaining flexible and conscious of her values, the ?chooser? comes closer to a choice that will provide maximum energy and honor her values. Then comes concrete action. ?A choice without action is a fantasy,? says Kimsey-House.

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A or B Choices: ?When you?re down to a difficult choice between two alternatives?say, marriage or college?both of them probably honor your values, so it?s more difficult,? says Kimsey-House. ?I advise a client to ?try on? each choice like a coat. Spend several days imagining what life will be like in each. If I?m married, I?ll share all my space. I won?t have exclusive use of the car. There will be someone waiting for me every night . . . and so on. With time, this trying-on will usually give you a feeling of greater comfort or discomfort.? The point, as with all choosing, is to slowly align your deepest self with the choice.

But what if it?s too hard? What if you make the wrong choice? Kimsey-House laughs. ?Sometimes you do just have to choose, flat out. And when you do, it?s good to remember the distinction between failing and being a failure. ?Failing? because of your choice is a wonderful thing, a way of learning, and the sign of trying. It has nothing whatsoever to do with being a failure. If you keep those ideas totally separate, you can really enjoy choosing.?

Jon Spayde is a senior editor at Utne.

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