West Bank Journal: Last Day in Palestine

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On the far side of the checkpoint, I decide to spend more money and grab a taxi straight to Neta's instead of taking a service to the center of Ramallah and getting a cheaper taxi from there. I am late for the meeting, and I haven't had dinner, and I still have a long way to go before the night is over, and most of all I'm feeling that sad, grief-torn ache of leaving this place. This is my last night in the West Bank, last visit with Neta, last look at newborn Shaden, last time to see sweet, one-year-old Nawal waive her little hand and smile her smile of infinite charm.

And after more taxis, more checkpoints, more services and long drives, I arrive at my friend Rena's house in Hadera near midnight. I am back in Israel proper, a land of highways and shopping malls and ATMs, another reality altogether. I check my email, and read about Biddu. I read that Mohammed has been arrested, and my stomach drops and my arms grow weak. I realize just how much I've come to care about him and his crazy cousin and Arish with her proud and incredulous laugh and Fatima with her dancing hands and I feel irrationally but really terrible, as if my happiness throughout the day were a personal betrayal of all of them.

It's very late, but I decide to call Shoura anyway. She tells me Mohammed has been released -- they think perhaps the calls from a member of the Knesset helped. I breathe a great sigh of relief, and she hands the phone to him. He tells me indignantly how the soldiers have beaten him, but he sounds all right. I talk to Monsour, and say goodbye. It is too soon to leave. It is always the wrong time to leave this place. Someone is always being beaten if you dare for a moment to be happy. There is always some terrible disaster lurking, some horrible wrong that you think maybe your vigilance or at least your presence could prevent, though you know better. But nevertheless, the time has come, and I am gone.

For more information about the International Solidarity movement, see www.palsolidarity.org.

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