Soul-Mate Mania

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Heightened expectations of love and intimacy have created the new "superrelationship." Is it working?

When the Massachusetts Supreme Court made history earlier this year by legalizing gay marriage, it based its decision on the idea that marriage is about intimacy, not procreation. For many people, the scary part of this equation isn't the same-sex variable -- it's the notion that marriage, despite its less-than-enviable success rate, is still seen as the final frontier when it comes to forging intimacy. Many married couples might consider themselves blissfully intimate, but judging by recent trends -- everything from the rise of cuddle parties to the recent spike in divorces among older couples ("the 37-year itch," as The New York Times dubbed it) -- it does seem that people today are craving new forms of intimacy. We looked around and here's what we found. -- The Editors

I can't remember if I actually proposed to my high school sweetheart in those delirious months between graduation and my induction into the U.S. Air Force in February 1970. Our courtship, after all, was the sort of adolescent rite of passage common to the times -- the clumsy passion of drive-in movies, the semisacred promise of exchanging class rings -- and our eventual engagement and marriage were less a product of romantic ritual than one of community routine.

Our small town was full of young couples, each drifting inexorably toward early matrimony with all the self-knowledge you'd expect from the Pepsi Generation. We all knew the drill: You started dating around 15 or 16; if you were lucky, you'd be going steady by your junior year and engaged before graduation (girls were always comparing diamonds in the hallways); the weddings would kick in the following spring.

Though we all professed great passion and fidelity for our beloved, we approached the altar as boyfriends and girlfriends. As determined as we might have been to prove we were mature enough to marry, most of us were just playing house -- with the added attraction of family-sanctioned sex.

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