To Live With No Regrets

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When Jack and Linda fell in love, it was cause for celebration for an extended community. Their wedding at a friend's farm included a visit from a dragonfly that flew onto Jack's back and stayed there. The couple created a ceremonial arch using branches from a tall rose bush that Linda had planted years before in the rain, at a time of great grief, on the first of Kirsten's birthdays she spent alone. Now, both the dragonfly and the roses became symbols of the new happiness Jack and Linda found together. On each anniversary they re-exchanged their vows in the garden next to Kirsten's rose bush.

As word spread among us that Jack's life was nearing its end, a niece agreed to build his casket. She felt an urgency to finish it, though others assured her there was plenty of time. As it turned out, Jack's last act before going to bed the day before he died was to receive his casket, lined with rainbow silk as he had requested, and carved with maple leaves and dragonflies.

He grew restless in his final hours, with Linda curled sleeplessly on the bed beside him. "It is enough," he finally said, answering a question he'd posed earlier to his sister, wondering aloud if he'd know when it was time to slip away. "Honey, you can just go home," Linda told him, and he grew calm. She left his side to doze for a few minutes on the couch. When she went back half an hour later, Jack had died peacefully in his sleep. Shortly after that, Linda says, she was feeling deep regret that she hadn't been with Jack at the moment of his last breath. Suddenly she heard inside herself an unfamiliar voice saying clearly and firmly, "No regrets." In a flash, she realized that to live and die without regrets had become Jack's life mission.

The community began to gather to help wash the body and prepare for a three-day, around-the-clock vigil during which people took turns sitting in the living room with Jack's body, displayed in the coffin embellished with dragonflies. There was singing and reading and meditating and playing music; there were tears and laughter, and anyone who wanted to could drop by at any time. It was strangely comforting and peaceful to be there. Those who hadn't been sure about coming didn't want to leave. It was time to be together as a community and to say good-bye to Jack.

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