The Tao of Bush

Image Gallery A traveler wanders among some of the 76 departments of hell at the Dongyue temple in Beijing, China

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If you've ever fantasized about sitting George W. Bush down and being the one to make him see the error of his ways, you already have it worked out in your head: Maybe you want to take him for a tour around an inner-city school, introduce him to a working family without health care, or have a long talk about the human costs of war.

In my version of the fantasy, I take Bush to the Dongyue temple in Beijing, China, for a little fire and brimstone, Taoist style. In small halls off the courtyard of this imposing place of worship, brightly-colored, hero-sized gods preside over the 76 departments of hell. Near-life-sized sinners carved out of wood suffer appropriate punishments, the saintly reap blessings, and hell's bureaucrats record every detail. All this is explicitly narrated on stainless steel panels bolted to each hall.

Hell doesn't have 76 departments for nothing; it's enough to make anyone feel that each transgression and act of kindness, great and small, makes an indelible mark on the soul.

Bush's tour starts at the Department of Official Morality. This sector of the nether world sets the moral standard for society's leaders and demands honesty, fairness, and resistance to corruption. Now, he knows someone's watching.

The deities in the Interrogation and Examination Department grill criminals until they're satisfied they've got the truth. This has been happening to some of Bush's close friends lately, and sweat is beading on his brow. The Urging Department reminds us that those who are lazy in this life will become errand-running slaves in the next. Now he's regretting all those months of vacation.

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