November 22, 2009
UTNE READER

The Tao of Bush

(Page 2 of 2)

November 2005
By Morgon Mae Schultz, Utne.com 
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The Department of Upholding Integrity frowns upon lies and corruption and advises that one must "be bent on doing good deeds while refraining from fawning upon the rich and powerful." George is getting a little freaked out, so now is my time to strike. I show him the Department for Implementing 15 kinds of Violent Death, a warning to those who kill that they will fall victim to their own misdeeds. Methods include death caused by starvation, revengeful murder, killing in battle, fire, or flood, poisoning, and disease.

Just when the most powerful person on earth is shaking in his boots for fear of the afterlife, I show him how to earn his redemption. We visit the Department for Distribution of Medicine, which rewards those who give remedies freely. George thinks of something nice he can do for 46 million Americans.

The Department for Halting Destruction of Living Beings preaches benevolence, human value, and protection of animals. Perhaps a new policy on the environment is in order. After all, the Flying Birds Department looks sternly upon the premature death of any avian friends and praises "ecological balance," while in the Department for Preservation of Wilderness, a perky little bunny sits in the shelter of the overseeing god.

Sometimes hope lies where you least expect it. On a visit to hell, Bush could learn that redemption is as simple as peace, environmental conservation, and universal health care.

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