Crash Course
(Page 4 of 4)
July / August 2006
Nina Utne Utne magazine
NU: It's a paradox-the trauma makes you
fearful, but it also frees you.
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MS: Part of the wisdom of trauma comes from
that paradox. Trauma requires me to acknowledge that my life has
been harsh. Does it hurt? Yes. At the same time, I'm desperately in
love with living, with the gift of life. Healing trauma calls on us
to honor the life force and not be destructive with it. Does this
feeling come from sadness, too? Yes, it's both. Simultaneously, I
am heartbroken and desperately in love.
NU: It takes courage, though, to live with that
paradox, doesn't it?
MS: Well, people sometimes call me courageous
because of what I've gone through. But I think that's beside the
point. I wanted to keep living. I wanted to be part of the world.
Overcoming my disability-that doesn't even make sense to me. I am
who I am because of my disability. It is my life, the only life I
have, and so I'm going to live it. Is that brave? If that's
bravery, then it's in a very large sense. I live my life knowing I
want to be here.
NU: Then courageousness is simply being open to
life, trauma and all?
MS: That's what I think. To know that living
actually entails both life and death. In fact, that's what defines
consciousness: the integration and acceptance of both life and
death. If you're open to life, obviously you have to be open to the
silence and sadness in life too. If that's bravery, then sure, call
me courageous. But the simple fact is that I'm just living. I just
love living.
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