The New Elders

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EU: We're the first culture in human history that hasn't had initiation, hasn't had a way for people to find their place in the greater community. So young people self-initiate through experimentation with high-risk behaviors, from drug use to adrenaline sports.
As Richard was saying, it's reciprocal -- it's not just the old passing on their 'infinite wisdom' to the young. We're living in a global culture right now. Community has a whole new definition. It's not just people who are of the same blood, or same philosophy, or same tradition, or same locality. We're facing unprecedented times, and we need rites of initiation that reflect that reality.

What makes for the best relationship between mentor and apprentice?

RL: The core of it to me is trust. And the only way to build trust is through deep presence -- meaning that both parties need to sense that it's an embodied thing, an earned thing. I also think the great mentors are lovers of questions. They have the presence to hit the pause button and listen. And then they ask more questions. It's out of this deeper presence, this willingness to be patient, from which a meaningful relationship will grow.

EU: A good mentor can bless. A good mentor can see who you are, who you aspire to be. I remember being drawn to a mentor because he had certain qualities that I wanted to emulate. So I was there copying him, finding some part of myself that resonated with who he was. His name was Bob Schwartz, and he was a great entrepreneur. He had this gift of being able to introduce people. He could introduce you as the person you aspired to be. He could see you and acknowledge what you were striving for, and that was such a beautiful quality.

RL: I often teach people to seek out their 'sounding board.' It's like a board of advisors, and you can request them to listen and play different roles. So if someone wants a vocational mentor, they can pick a certain group of people to be in that arena. For life questions, another person or group might be more helpful. Life has gotten way more complex, and that requires a diversity of input. The most important thing is that no one, young or old, tries to go it alone.

What is wisdom?

RL: I'm just writing this book and I'm doing a deep dive into that question, and it seems like everybody points to research done at the Max Planck Institute in Berlin. After studying it from every angle, culling all the literature, and interviewing across cultures, the one thing everyone agrees on is that wisdom is about seeing the big picture -- knowing what's important and what the priorities are.

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