The Great Divide
(Page 2 of 3)
November / December 2007
interview by Julie Hanus
Sounds like a pretty unusual group of friends. Why aren’t more people comfortable having a vigorous give-and-take discussion?
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People feel the need to be authentic, so they approach any kind of interaction with others as “Here’s my opinion, take it or leave it.”
In recent years some people’s political anger has gotten so strong, fed by a daily dose of their favorite blogs, that they can’t even entertain other points of view. I have a very conservative cousin who feeds me stuff he’s reading on the Internet about how the war in Iraq is going well. I think that’s crazy. I’d love to discuss it with him, but he just rules out anyone who disagrees with him. It’s everyone; I have friends on the far left who demonize all Republicans.
So: I’m talking to somebody with whom I disagree. Where do I start?
You do have to decide if the person is reasonable. If you’re at a dinner party and someone says, “Hey, you know, that Stalin was a great guy,” that’s beyond the pale. If someone says, “God speaks to me,” that’s beyond the pale too. There’s no point. It has to be someone roughly within a large circle. The problem,
of course, is that people draw their circles too narrowly.
It isn’t easy to have conversations with people about difficult subjects, especially about politics—that’s the hardest subject. If you don’t fit a certain list or category, or if you say something out of the ordinary, people just shut down.
I live in a 99 percent liberal environment, but I voted for Ronald Reagan in the 1980s. When I mentioned that at a dinner party—and these are good friends!—instead of anybody asking me why, they just changed the subject. You’d think they’d at least be curious: He looks normal. He talks; he speaks; he reads books; he goes to the ballet; he likes opera—how could he vote for Ronald Reagan?
Is it enough if I’m playful and curious? Or do I have to give, say, my crazy uncle a heads-up, set up some more formal rules?