Bundle of Trouble

There are some people who were born to be parents. There are also a whole lot that weren't - probably the vast majority. Some people know that children aren't for them, but a whole lot more lack the willpower or the self knowledge to say no, or to really consider the decision. And make no mistake, this is a big decision - one that is very permanent and will affect the rest of your life.

The misinformation and myths that are fed to prospective parents are nothing short of cruel and irresponsible. And then after the child is born, the whole thing becomes a competitive circus, where instead of helping each other out parents are backstabbing, finger pointing, and social climbing to get the best for "their" child. Everywhere parents turn they're told that "they're doing it wrong". Nothing they do is ever good enough. No wonder they're stressed and unhappy. Who would willingly sign up for that?

I just wish more people would learn to say "no". No to having kids if you don't want them. No to people who tell them they're screwing it up. No to bigger, better, faster, more "for the kids". Learn to trust yourself and do what is right for you, and your world might be a much happier place. Good luck!

The question - are parents happier, more content, more fulfilled by having children - is flawed. First, because people who choose not to have children have gone through the process to justify that decision so their need to have children has either been dealt with or was never there. Second, because the stress and strain of having children is part of the fulfillment. If you aren't stressed about your children you are probably feeling guilty that you aren't doing enough for them. The question should perhaps be asked of people on their deathbeds. Would those who had children feel more fulfilled and content than those that didn't? I know I will.

I am a single mother and yes, raising my 3 daughters alone is burdensome and challenging. But, through the exhaustion and frustration I CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON THE JOY! I think perhaps the single biggest handicap most Americans suffer is that no one told us that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. It's all a matter of what we focus our energy on. Sure, I could focus on the heartaches and the constant sense of overwhelm and the possibility that I will run out of money before they are finished with their educations. (Having raised them with the promise that if they did well, they would get to follow their educational bliss with my full support!) But I choose to focus on the joy on their faces when something magical happens. I choose to notice the warm fuzzy feeling I get when they are basking in the results of a well-made decision. I choose to just watch and enjoy the moment when sibling tensions are absent and they are all serenely playing a hand of cards together.
Zen Parenting doesn't change the fact that our society is short changing families at every turn. Zen Parenting simply chooses happiness regardless!

In the West, men are the architects and constructors of our society, women the preservers. In the majority of two parent families, it is the woman who is responsible for the preservation of home and family; it is to these women that blame is given when children do not "turn out" as expected. It is also women who shoulder most of the burden of the "second shift" of parenting. Although the role of father has changed over the years, it is still women who bear the burden of the stress and social disadvantages associated with parenting. What was ignored in this article is the overwhelming burden and blame that single mothers must bear.