Entertaining in the Recession

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One little pending global economic disaster, and the whole world goes into a tizzy.

You would think we could make this economic sinkhole a fun adventure kind of thing. I like to think of it as a lot like camping. You know, while you’re sitting on the bare ground, under the stars, with nature all around, you silently assure yourself it’ll all be over soon and you’ll get back to things like soft beds and hot showers, where humankind belongs.

Those bodacious dinners at Tony’s you once hosted are a thing of the past, sure—right there with the due date on the American Express card. It’s at this point that one must bow the head and humbly confess.

No, not that you’re broke. Confess that it is too ostentatious to do those dinners, seeing as how so many others are down and out. Entertaining should be done at home. And, with a little American ingenuity, you conveniently save a bundle, too.

Yes, it’s American ingenuity that gave the greatest gift to entertaining on a budget: America invented fake food. Where else but in this grand land of ours can we have whipped cream fabricated in a chemistry lab, all-vegetable hamburger meat, and unidentifiable pork parts made into ham loaf?

A faux feast on a budget is really rather simple, but it takes some advance planning.

For example, you know those nearly empty bottles of expensive liquor you hide from relatives and guests? Empty them. (I have one suggestion on a good way to do this.) Now go get the cheap stuff. Smirnoff goes into the Grey Goose bottle. Beefeater into the Bombay Sapphire. Old Crow into the Maker’s Mark.

Do you think anyone will notice? Maybe the next morning, since the cheap stuff tends to have that effect. But people with hangovers always blame themselves. What they will remember is your impressive bar.

As for the fake foods . . . the trick is in naming the dishes, not the ingredients. It’s an old trick. A 1949 Canadian recipe I read about calls for stitching together Maple Leaf wieners to approximate a standing crown roast, then stuffing the contraption with creamed cabbage and wrapping it all in bacon.

So how does a delicious course of seafood rellenos sound? Or cutlets in a mustard caper sauce? And while your guests are happily sipping your camouflaged spirits, would they not love nibbling on gougères (miniature cream puffs) stuffed with curried ham?

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