The Tao of War Photography

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8 It is said that sudden fright causes people to soil themselves. Sustained fright causes increased flatulence: fear-farting. I have seen Afghan mujahedeen run out into a heavy rain of incoming artillery rather than shelter in a small crevice with two fear-farting Western journalists.

9 Do you believe in a personal, loving God who really cares about us mortals down here? Go to a few war zones and famine areas and watch all the innocent children die, then answer this question.

10 On the flip side of #9: Many of the people who have suffered through such hardships show the greatest faith I’ve ever encountered on the planet. Go figure.

11 If some natural phenomenon occurs with supernatural timing and saves your ass from almost certain death and you’re told that Allah just intervened, believe it.

12 Are you rabidly devoted to saving all of the world’s wildlife? Would you be enraged if you saw a guerrilla soldier blow a monkey out of a tree with an M-16? Bugger off. After weeks of living on the run in the jungle, eating nothing but rice, that barbecued monkey leg tasted like filet mignon.

13 Chances are your most vehement detractors have never walked a mile in your war-zone moccasins, or experienced anything more dangerous than a broken lawn chair.

14 Study and understand the different types of weapon systems. Once they spring off the page and are actually firing at you and exploding around you, you will wish you had devoted more effort to that study.

15 If you don’t entirely understand the concept of indirect fire, do not go to a war zone. If you remember only one thing from this article, let this be it.

16 Don’t be too “macho” to take cover. Forget about Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now. If you do that and you’re not a movie star, prepare to eat hot metal.

17 Dead photographers don’t take any more good pictures, and your agent and relatives will be the only ones to profit from the sudden interest in your old stuff.

18 Amoebic dysentery really, truly sucks.

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