Meddler Nation: Why Americans Should Learn to Mind Their Own Business

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But how do we make society less meddlesome and still help people with real problems? We could start by being more honest about what we're really doing when we help people, the authors argue. "We should recognize that it is often for our own good and not theirs that we meddle in the lives of others," they write. Edgley and Brissett recommend:

—Increasing politeness, or what columnist Judith Martin (Miss Manners) calls "the respectful pretense of interest in each other." In other words, maintaining a concern for others that is respectful of their choices (though meddlers might consider this "dishonest").

—Learning tolerance of those whose moral judgments differ from our own. "We need to exercise more discretion when we call on the government to meddle in the lives of others, especially groups with whom we disagree," argue the authors, who cite freedom of speech restrictions in the case of tobacco advertising. "We cannot create a world in which freedom of speech and the press flourish at the same time that, in recognition of the power of the press, we slap restrictions on content of which we disapprove."

—Declaring a moratorium on "rights talk." One legacy of the 1960s social movements is a growing babble of rights claims.

—Learning to care without meddling. Social interaction can be caring and mannerly if we stop being self-righteous. Concern for others is a mark of civilized behavior; browbeating them into conformity is not.

The authors conclude: "It is time to re-examine the social cost exacted by a society of moral and legal absolutists who have forgotten, if they ever knew, that the oldest virtues of communal harmony, cultural coherence, and dignity of the person derive far more from our practiced civility with one another than from our attempts to frighten, harass, and coerce each other into not doing whatever it is we don't like."

From The Futurist (Oct. 1999). Subscriptions: $39/yr. (10 issues) from 7910 Woodmont Av., Suite 450, Bethesda, MD 20814.

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