The Lonely American

Some Americans find relief and comfort from these pressures by going to church.

It's incredible how this article hits home on so many aspects of my life experience in north America since leaving the familial home.
It took almost 10 years for me to even begin to identify the source of that omnipresent feeling of dissatisfaction despite constant professional and material success. It is a widespread feeling that is expressed by many people with a similar socio-economic profile, as soon as we manage to get past the default "Everything is fine" facade.
So far I have been a consumer, now I want to be a Citizen. It is very hard to be a Citizen by standing alone in a corner, especially if it's a golden corner with a giant flatscreen TV and a German convertible in the garage.

Why is the example of the neighbour a relevant one? Probably because the neighbours are amongst the first to drop from the social network with frequent moves and long hours spent at the office.
Me and my next door neighbour might not be able to have interesting discussions about my work or his passion for Romantic composers, but we do have default common interests dictated by the fact that we share the same geographical space. To realize this you obviously have to extend the idea of your space of interest beyond your condo or house. The street, the hallway, the apartment complex, the neighbourhood park, all are shared spaces between me and the neighbours. They don't have to be my best buddies, but a 30 minute chat once a month about why, for example, I don't feel safe letting the kids play in the park might actually lead to some real coordinated action. Of course I still have that distant voice inside saying "I will simply buy a bigger house, with my own park inside it". But then again what about the street? Highway access? Public transportation? The quality of tap water? Security? The statistical truth is simply that unless you are one of the thousand or so billionaires in the US, you will not be able to solve all of these aspects of local

Something I noticed at work (I just started my first job out of college) is the cafeteria dynamic--We have a food court and most people from my office just sit with the same people from work or they just bring their food back to their desks. There was a guy I met during the orientation--we chatted a bit while waiting for them to make our building access passes and he said hi to me in the halls. The other day I went and sat with his group in the cafeteria..all from the marketing dept, but I am in HR.
I am trying not be one of those closed off and lonely people and expand my group!

While I think the authors have a valid point that there may be more lonely people today, I think there is more than one way of looking at the issue and there are more solutions that simply socializing with your neighbors. First of all, why does being busy always get such a bad rap? I know lots of people who are busy trying to make the world a better place and who are connecting with people through their work, volunteer projects, and other activities. The authors (and others) assume that there cannot be connection and community with busyness. I believe most people are more likely to connect with people who share common interests and values than with someone who randomly lives nearby. Why the focus on neighbors? Why not also suggest that people get involved in other ways that make sense for them.

There are a lot of statistics about how many live people live alone, but "alone" is different than "lonely." Assuming that most people who live alone are lonely is just that - an assumption. All people need different levels of contact. Some people enjoy lots of contact with people and others just a little here and there. Assuming that all people want lots of people to talk to often seems a bit off base. This article almost does a disservice in that it exaggerates the problem. "drifting apart" "tug-of-war between conflicting desires" etc. is just unnecessarily dramatic...

Finally... there have been quite a few articles about loneliness lately, and most suggest taking more time to socialize and visit. Maybe if we all focused our energies on finding ways we can be useful in this world, we would stop focusing on "oh poor me and all of my problems. No one cares." Maybe the problem is that people spend too much time focusing on themselves, and if we focused outward we would be more fulfilled by that and not feel like our own issues and problems were so terrible.

I was born and raised in Zimbabwe, and am of Asian descent. Despite finding fantastic jobs and a great life partner, I am still not at home here in the USA. Finally an article that explains why.

The lonliness is the most unexpected cultural shock America has to offer. And it's not going to get better.

When I returned from my travels in Latin America to the United States, what culture-struck me the hardest was the degree of isolation in Americans' lives. Wow, what a contrast from virtually every country I visited. I was never able to adequately give voice to my concerns, because (as the article points out) so many Americans are PROUD to have CHOSEN this independent (and horribly lonely) lifestyle.