Among the Promise Keepers

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Still, this is a complex gathering. Gary Smalley -- the president of Today's Family, whom you may have seen on late-night cable TV hawking his better-relationships videotape series through infomercials featuring couples such as Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford -- is responsible for one of the most moving moments of the weekend. At the time I am standing in the press box, high above the playing field. Smalley is finishing up on the topic of expressiveness in marriage, and he asks the men to break into groups of four or five to discuss pet peeves and possibilities.

In small groups, the men come alive -- even in the press box, where a couple of small groups form to discuss marital issues. I've never seen reporters participate in anything like this. For the next 15 minutes I'm stunned by all the heartfelt discussions of romance and communication. This doesn't look like a bunch of guys working toward becoming tyrants in their households.Throughout the weekend, as conference speakers delve deeper and deeper into issues that tear couples and families apart -- a husband or father being emotionally distant or neglecting his responsibilities is among the common ones -- I notice that some of the men seem to be fighting back tears, while a few have no fight left: They're crying freely as the men around them offer the comfort of a touch, an embrace, or a quiet word.

Near the end of the weekend, when Chuck Swindoll, president of the Dallas Theological Seminary, leads the men through the seven promises that this conference is all about, there's a hush in the stadium. He explains, step by step, precisely what it means for a man to commit himself to, say, 'pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises.' The discussion-and-response process is slow and thoughtful, and it downshifts noticeably when Swindoll gets to Promise Number Six: 'A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity.'

'This one may be an especially difficult one for men raised in the South,' Swindoll says. 'So think about it, and do not commit to this or any promise unless you can keep it. This is what being a Promise Keeper is all about.'

The organization does take an uncharacteristically progressive approach to the difficult issue of racial reconciliation. 'I've been at Promise Keepers meetings where men have broken down and cried and renounced their prejudice and hatred,' says the Reverend Edgar Vann Jr., pastor of the Second Ebeneezer Baptist Church in Detroit. 'You just don't often see that in the church.'

After spending a weekend with Promise Keepers, I believe that the organization's commitment to these issues is sincere. I was made to feel accepted in my every contact with the Promise Keepers staff, conference participants, and Christian reporters in the press box -- even after I would identify myself as an editor at, gulp, New Age Journal.

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