Web Specials Archives
David Deida Special to Utne Reader Online
The next stage of sexual awakening is beyond biological urge and
emotional need. If you are ready for this new stage, you have grown
beyond the narcissism of self-centered me-pleasuring: 'I'll do to
you whatever you want as long as you love me.' 'Okay. Do to me what
I want and I'll love you.'
You also have grown beyond the safety and fairness of us-centered
we-sharing: 'Let's create a beautiful life together. You give me
pleasure the way I want it, and I'll give you pleasure the way you
want it, and we'll never violate each other's boundaries.'
Furthermore -- and perhaps most crucially -- you are ready for
authentic spiritual sexuality only when you have grown beyond the
new-age separatist safety net: 'You are responsible for your own
happiness and I am responsible for mine. Although we can do our
best to help each other, in the end, we are each responsible for
ourselves.'
The next stage of sexual loving, which grows beyond dysfunctional
abuse and victimhood as well as beyond self-responsibility,
requires bliss-forceful heart surrender despite all boundaries and
fear, feeling so widely and giving so openly that you are alive as
all beings. When you have grown this open, you recognize that you
are utterly responsible for the one-bodied form of the divine as
well as the two-bodied form, no boundaries allowed or enabled. The
openness of unsafe, heart-ravishing, two-bodied divine love is not
for everybody but requires a deeper understanding of sex and a
readiness to open as wide as the entire moment, inside and outside
your skin.
Even now, as you read this, 'sex' is alive as all, including you.
If you go deep within, you will find nothingness: an unchanging
empty witness of all, the one who is reading these words, the same
one who read words when you were 10 years old, the same one you
always are, behind every thought, feeling, emotion, sensation, and
perception. That is the masculine divine.
Everything else, everything that is now dancing as change inside
and outside your body -- your emotions; the lights you see; the
sounds you hear; your thoughts coming and going; the seasons
cycling hot and cold; all bodies being born, living, and dying;
everything and everyone that you can experience -- is the feminine
divine.
The ever-divine moment is the union of He-emptiness and
She-fullness, the sexual play between unchanging consciousness and
ever-dancing light. That is why bodily sex is so painful and
pleasurable: unless you are able to open without boundaries and
merge fully, sustaining love's openness as full-blown conscious
light alive in two-bodied form, you will experience an occasional
fleeting grace of immeasurable bliss surrounded by many moments of
knowing this isn't it.
Most moments -- sexual or otherwise -- are not recognized, felt,
and lived as love's bliss appearing through many bodies.
She-fullness is not allowed to dance open as love's all-giving
life-light, and He-emptiness is not allowed to fearlessly penetrate
and lovingly pervade Her bright showing. Ravishment is disallowed.
He holds back. She dims down. You kiss your lover on the cheek,
settle for occasional peaks of bliss surrounded by years of
something missing. Few moments are allowed their magnificent
display of light yielding open as love, perfectly, without residue
or regret.
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