Utne Blogs > Mind and Body

Ross Martin Prepares to Die

by Elizabeth Ryan 


Tags: Ross Martin, Guilt and Pleasure, The Death Issue, Elizabeth Ryan,

Death Issue of Guilt and PleasureAs part of their Death Issue, Ross Martin wrote a morbidly funny piece for Guilt & Pleasure called “How I Would Like to Die.” With a surgery impending, Martin coincidently found a gravestone with his name on it… and comically started preparing himself, his friends, and family for the worst. My favorite moment is when he shows up at a Hanukkah party and announces a color-coding system for distributing his possessions:

Unconscionably enjoying the panic on their faces, I made my way from cousin to cousin, assigning each a different color. “If God forbid I die,” I told them, “come to my apartment in Brooklyn and take all the items with your color sticker.” None of them warmed to the invitation. “Don’t worry,” I assured them, “I want you to have this stuff!”

Source: Guilt & Pleasure