Searching For a Sense of Home

Do Americans buy a sense of home from the store? How can we create meaningful, authentic connections to the places we live?


Like most Americans, I yo-yo back and forth between the restless desire for the imagined better place that must be somewhere other than here and the yearning for a burrowed-in sense of belonging.


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Recently, driving home from a soccer game in the pouring rain, I looked into the rearview mirror and asked my two young and very wet daughters, “If someone from another country asked you where you were from, what would you say?”

Without a heartbeat’s hesitation, they responded in unison, “Portland, Oregon.” I drew a sharp breath. For them, it’s not even a question to ponder. When I am asked, I always say, “I live in Portland, but I’m from Springfield, Oregon—from East Lane County.” When my husband is asked, he always answers, “Harris County, Texas,” though he was born in Tulsa, has lived in a dozen states, and has bounced around the same two zip codes in Southeast Portland for more than fifteen years.

“What about Springfield?” I asked.

“That’s where you’re from. We’re from here.”

For me, it is profoundly unsettling to have my daughters—who I am closer to than any other human beings—be from a place that I don’t fully claim as my own. And yes, that 109-mile distance between unincorporated Lane County and inner Southeast Portland makes a difference—topographically, economically, culturally. So, they are from Portland, I am from East Lane County, and David is from Texas. What does it mean when each member of a family living under one roof answers that question—“Where are you from?”—so differently?

This is the story of America, and, in particular, it is the story of the West. Here we are—a mishmash of descendants of the first residents and transplants pulled west by the first Homestead Act and the Dust Bowl, then another desperate Homestead Act, and most recently, restaurant raves and a stratospheric bike-friendly reputation. Now what? On darker days, I wonder if the very basis of the Republic—Thomas Jefferson’s notion that self-governance depends on small communities intimately connected by place—has been worn out by contemporary life, by tremendous cultural forces spinning us away from, rather than toward, a mature and orienting sense of place.

Even I, whose grandparents met on Main Street in Springfield, and whose mother was born in Lane County, and whose children were born just a few miles from the house they live in now, question my bona fides. Am I really from here? I have ancestors from Virginia and North Carolina, Connecticut and Arkansas, England, Denmark, and Germany. They are displaced Cherokees and Bavarian Catholics and cranky, slave-holding colonialists. And those are only the ones I know about. Though I am almost always the old-timer in the room when the question of when did you get here—here, meaning Oregon—comes up, even I am a newcomer to this place, relatively speaking. All that makes me question my own perceptions, my ability to really take in and intimately interpret the smell of the air just before dawn, the day the first leaf turns, the migration of songbirds and geese.


Like most Americans, I yo-yo back and forth between the restless desire for the imagined better place that must be somewhere other than here and the yearning for a burrowed-in sense of belonging. The very first poem I published as an adult was written soon after my second daughter was born, when I was struggling to orient my children in and to this place. It was called—tellingly—“Native Species” and drew on familiar—and maybe tired—images of this place: osprey and great blue heron, huckleberries and hazelnuts and salmon.

Looking back now, I see that poem as reflecting a persistent need to claim my children for this place; in fact, the setting of the poem was the McKenzie River in east Lane County, so even then I was trying to claim them for my place rather than the one they would ultimately call their own. But it is also part of a whole body of work that adopts a kind of surface iconography for a place: some of it beautiful and moving and authentic, and some of it—like mine, I fear—serving as a type of prepackaged shorthand for genuine place.

If I was living in the lands of my ancestors, would there be a cellular, or at least inherited, recognition of other markers of place, ones I cannot imagine past the flashy heron and overworked salmon? Although all of these images have their roots in this place, they also represent an anxious iconography, a way both to claim the children and reclaim the landscape in a predictable, inherited, and tactile way.

It has become part of cocktail-party wisdom to blame the spread of Bed Bath & Beyond (beyond what?), Borders (may it rest in peace), and Wal-Mart for the loss of local culture, community spaces, and even regional dialects. And Home Depot strip malls can’t help. But is it possible that the opposite is also true? Could it be that we grasp for familiar cultural markers—received and corporatized as they are—that we warmly invite Bed Bath & Beyond into our communities as a kind of cultural hot water bottle because we no longer live among our ancestors’ bones, because we do not know the high-water mark of the river, because we are not intimates with the creatures among us? Is it possible that in our wanderings and resulting isolation we actually need—or at least crave—recognizable and mass-produced images of home? Is it possible that we are like the ducklings that are imprinted to a backhoe because that’s what was around when they learned to walk?

If so, is the Jeffersonian dream of shared governance based in place dead beyond revival? Do we need to just concede to the Federalists, surrender to the competing forces of the market, and continue nattering on about local salmon and huckleberry jam?

I hope not. But I think it will take both as-yet-unpracticed alertness and tremendous humility to try to re-create a relationship to place, to wherever we find ourselves now. We will have to admit that we don’t know exactly what our place is, that it doesn’t belong to us, and that it will require our finely tuned attention to keep us from falling victim to surface icons. And we may have to use tremendous creativity to notice or make our own, more genuine sense of home.


What I am grappling with here is the distinction between the idea of living in place and the fact of living in it. The question I am asking is not how to conceptualize living here—in my little square of 97214—but how to actually live here. That’s the question my daughters were answering, and that’s the one I often overlook. I like the idea of place, so I am vulnerable to whatever images are romantic or widely reproduced or cheap. I understand what it is to want to feel at home in place and to resort to buying proxies for place, substitutions for genuine close observation and stewardship of home.

I know there is humility and unsettledness inherent in the admission that this place does not belong to me. It did not belong to my ancestors in the past, it likely will not belong to my descendants in the future, but I belong to it now, and I have the chance to pay attention, to be present here, now. That admission of transitoriness, of mortality and ephemerality, is humbling and frightening, but it also connects me in a new way both to this place and to unexpected ancestors and descendants. It connects me to the Chinook ancestors that most certainly walked and knew the ground that I fuss over from March through October. It connects me not just to my own imagined grandchildren but to the imagined grandchildren of the woman who lives in St. Louis and the one who lives in Mexico City who will occupy this place next. And it connects me to the grandmothers of Tulsa and Reykjavik who are tending the plot of land that my granddaughters will live on someday.

It nudges me to ask—what gratitude do I owe the generations that preceded me even though they are not my biological ancestors, and what stewardship do I owe those who follow, unrelated though they may be in the traditional use of the word?

If we can bring ourselves to attend to the place we inhabit now—even if we cannot say “I am from here”—we can at least say “I am here,” and treat that hereness with particular humility and alertness to cues we might not otherwise recognize. We can embed ourselves in an intergenerational web of care for place and for those who pass through it. We can be part of a community that both precedes and follows us, creating an intimacy with past and future that grounds us here, now, making mortality a little less lonely and bringing our children a little closer, even if they are from a town 109 miles away.

Wendy Willis is a poet, and her book of poems, Blood Sisters of the Republic, is forthcoming from Press 53 in Fall 2012. Excerpted from Oregon Humanities (Spring 2012), a triannual publication that connects Oregonians to ideas that change lives and transform communities. 

8/19/2015 12:13:06 PM

Hmmm. Does place belong to me; or do I belong to place. Is it "sense of place" or "sense of self in place"? My "home", the place of my childhood, is very different now. There is no possibility for me to "go back home," and I miss it terribly. On the other hand, I have lived most of my life in villages in the Northeast, and I love it. It is definitely a place that has claimed me and I am engaged in this place. But it is still not home. Sad. I think maybe Jefferson wanted communities to work together to solve their collective problems, but I do not think his vision was for an individual to stay in one place. Many people moved significant distances in colonial times. In any case, his Louisiana Purchase certainly undermined any possibility that we would be a nation of citizens rooted to a single place.

8/11/2014 9:40:13 AM

A thoughtful and thought provoking article. I have moved a lot in my 64 years and often struggled with answering, "where are you from?" I found myself always identifying with the place I grew up. All the other places I felt like an outsider and "not from there." Oddly this left me without a sense of community or a sense of belonging while I was living where ever it was. There is something about this sense of belonging that is about how it has shaped us and how we shape the community we live in. It is a relationship and I fear so many people shop for a community based on climate or job relocation that they miss building a relationship as an essential part of that feeling of belonging. I have learned that what I bring to any community is as important as what the community has ro offer me.

dar hosta
7/30/2012 2:49:17 PM

I loved this article, Wendy, and it touched on something that I have long thought about as someone who is often asked where I am from. I wrote about it in my blog today.

lindner bison
7/27/2012 9:50:06 PM

This is what Wendell Berry and Wes Jackson write about in "The Unsettling of America" and "Native to this Place." It's about reclaiming communities; when we go to college, coming back and claiming and/or improving our own community rather than enriching the coffers of disconnected corporations. I would love to move back to Livingston Montana, but at 64 it may be a little late to expect to rejoin or expect to strengthen a sense of belonging.This is an excellent article and worthy of widespread narrative in this country among young people. The sooner the better!

7/25/2012 11:14:33 PM

This article really spoke to me. Thank you! I agree with Nancy's observation that being able to feel a "sense of place" can be facilitated by being outdoors and connecting with the space you're in and land you walk on. I've struggled with feeling a sense of belonging and a sense of belonging to a place for years. When people ask me "where are you from?," I usually begin by saying "it's a long story..." If I have to choose a place, I claim the city where I was born, grew up in until I was 14, and where 98% of my family still live. However, at this point in my life, I've lived more years outside of that city than it in it. I've considered moving back to my city of birth and if I ever do, I know I will still provide a more complex answer to that question, if asked it while living there again. I too have wondered about an elusive perfect/better place for me than the place I currently live. Because of the transient nature of many of our lives, a lot of us live with this "tension." I love the fact that I've lived in multiple areas around this country. Yet, my adventures have come at a cost of not feeling a clear sense of connection to one place. Parts of my history belong and feel connected with different places. I’m “multi-placeted” . I loved that you highlighted the ephemeral natural of things and pointed to a larger view of how we can belong and feel a sense of connection. In my experience, taking a larger view about belonging has been essential for my sense of well-being. I've recently come to the conclusion that I may never find a place that I truly feel a sense of belonging and that's "ok." We can experience "moments of belonging" every day. For example, belong to our family and friends (wherever they might be), belonging to the groups that help support and sustain us, or belonging to the ideas that inspire and move us, etc.

nancy bruning
7/25/2012 4:22:01 PM

This was such a poetic, thoughtful, delicate piece of writing. Thank you. I don't have the answers to the questions, but I do know this: the people I work with "incidentally" begin to feel more comfortable and more a part of our physical community the more time they spend OUTside IN it. Three times a week we walk in our local park, using as many senses as possible to take it in--hear the birds, see the sky, smell the air, taste the wild berries, touch the stone walls and wooden benches when we stretch and exercise. I think it must be difficult to feel you are of a place if you spend all your time indoors or in a car.