Apocalypse How?

From the insightful to the cockamamie, end-times prophecies abound in our turbulent times. Here are a few to pencil into your date book:

| January / February 2006

Prophet: Hopi leaders
When: Imminent
What shall come to pass: Leader Thomas Banyacya told the United Nations in December 1992 that human beings can choose to live out of balance with nature and spirit and reap chaos and destruction, or choose harmony and have paradise.

Prophet: Mayan artifacts
When: 2012
What shall come to pass: As the Mayan calendar ticks off its final winter solstice in 2012, many believe the world of humans will end in catastrophe.

Prophet: Ohky Simine Forest
When: 2013
What shall come to pass: Forest believes that Mongolian prophecies predict that after the 2012 Mayan endtime, humankind will leave the Era of Man for the egalitarian Era of Woman.

Prophet: Extraterrestrial life forms who communicate through Sanctus Germanus, a foundation with study groups in five countries
When: Now to 2012
What shall come to pass: Because of destruction wrought by humans, planet Earth has called for a photon belt to pass over us-standard distress protocol for planets. As we intersect the belt, humankind will advance to a higher level of consciousness. If we are negative and selfish, we will not survive the electromagnetic radiation.

Prophet: The Reverend Phillip 'Flip' Benham
When: Now
What shall come to pass: Hurricanes Katrina and Rita were God's wrath against 'legalized child sacrifice' and 'homosexual sodomy.' Repent, or 'blood will fill the streets.'