Can you spot a sellout?

Weíve all got our price, right? So test your integrity quotient against some of the most notable sellouts of recent years. Your response to their actions says more than you think.

1. More than 30 years since their seminal album, The Who Sell Out, Peter Townshend and his pals are finally licensing their music to sell Nissans and computers. A proper reward for the lads’ restraint would be:

a. about $500,000 per song
b. about $25,000 per song
c. about $1,200 per song
d. about $3.95 per song
e. a cup of piss and a tour of Stonehenge

2. The great-grandson of impressionist artist Pierre-Auguste Renoir has struck a deal with Canadian Cool Clear Water, Inc., to market a line of Renoir bottled water. If there’s any justice in the world, the marketing ploy will earn the young entrepreneur:

a. a payoff in the low seven figures
b. a payoff in the low four figures
c. a regular and intimate acquaintance with the French courts
d. a disturbing uneasiness at family gatherings
e. a sudden and addictive fascination with the work of Leroy Nieman

3. After failing to convince the city fathers (and mothers) to build him a new football stadium, Art Modell in 1996 announced that he would move his Cleveland Browns to Baltimore, which had been without a team since 1984, when the beloved Colts were hijacked to Indianapolis by owner Robert Irsay. Modell got a $300 million stadium, but also should have received:

a. a 30-year rent-free lease,exclusive dibs on all parking and concessions revenue, and permanent seat license income worth something in the neighborhood of $75 million
b. a serviceable NFL quarterback
c. the key to the city
d. a congratulatory visit from former Colts’ Hall of Famer Johnny Unitas
e. a congratulatory visit from a group of large, drunken Browns fans

4. In his highly acclaimed Earth in the Balance, then-senator Albert Gore shocked the Washington status quo by stating unequivocally that rescuing the planet from environmental degradation should be the nation’s number one priority. Later, as vice president, Gore lobbied successfully against stricter controls on greenhouse gases as part of the Kyoto Treaty in 1996. He has since become the prohibitive favorite to become the 2000 Democratic presidential nominee. As the campaign season heats up, the vice president has earned:

a. widespread support from environmentalists
b. cautious support from environmentalists
c. occasional support from environmentalists
d. several pairs of support hose from environmentalists
e. several court orders for child support

5. Joyce Maynard’s 1998 book, At Home in the World, paints an excruciatingly detailed portrait of her years with reclusive novelist J.D. Salinger. ìThere’s nothing so terrible about the truth,î she told The New York Times. For her dedication to full disclosure, Maynard deserves:

a. an advance in the low six figures plus royalties
b. a National Book Award nomination
c. a guest spot on Jerry Springer
d. a well-thumbed copy of The Catcher in the Rye
e. dinner and drinks with Linda Tripp

UTNE
UTNE
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