New Big Boom in Iraq - Jobs

In Thanksgiving speech, Bush announces plan to put Iraqis to work (satire)

| December 2003


Last Thursday George Bush made a secret visit to Iraq to announce the launch of a new employment program to put the people of Iraq 'Back to Work.'

Under the dictatorship of Saddam Hussein, the 'Iraqi people did not have the opportunity to reach their potential', according to the U.S. president.? Here is a transcript of his speech to American troops:

'My fellow Americans, we realize that the major reason we are being attacked by the Iraqi people is not because we are an occupying force trying to steal their oil.? The real reason Iraqis are attacking us is that they have too much time on their hands.? That is to say, if they had to work 14 hours days they'd have no time or energy to be lobbing rockets at our troops.? That's why we are going to implement the 'Shock and Awe' Job Plan.

First, we will use a strategic Harvard model to determine job 'opportunities'.? This model worked well in South Central L.A., which looks a lot like the heavily bombed parts of Baghdad.



'Then we will provide training with highly skilled U.S. Marine Sergeants and Starbucks management.

'First up in the job field: more employment in pumping oil into U.S. tankers.? This highly paid job is the key to Iraqi reconstruction. They give us all of their oil and in return, we give them a blueprint of how to rebuild their country.? Then they borrow the money from us to rebuild.? It's been a highly successful model that has worked well for Argentina, Poland and Enron.