Truth & Chocolate: The Snack Time Debacle

A stay-at-home dad gives his kids sugary chocolate cookies for snack time and lives to regret it as it turns into a snack time debacle.


| January/February 2014



Children after eating sugary chocolate cookies

Did you every have a friend you thought you knew pretty well, but then you figured out was a raging psycho? That is the person both of my children turned into after eating these cookies.

Illustration by Andy Hinds

“YOU DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT MONSTERS IN YOUR ROOM! THE ONLY MONSTER YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IS ME! DON’T YOU DARE MAKE ME COME IN THERE AGAIN!”

My girls began screaming after I slammed the door to their bedroom; this at the tail end of the five hours of torture they had inflicted upon me. You know how you’re not supposed to go to bed angry at your spouse? You’re probably not supposed to go to bed angry at your kids either. Luckily, I haven’t gone to bed yet, so there’s still hope.

I had had a pretty good day. I got stuff done around the house, including multiple loads of laundry, which seemed to make my wife happy. I had gotten the house straightened out and fed lunch to the kids, just in time for our twice-monthly visit from the cleaning ladies. I tended the garden, fed the animals, and made it to the gym with the kids in tow. I even managed, with the kids pestering me and the cleaning ladies vacuuming under my feet, to work with an editor on an article I’m pretty stoked about.

But at around 4:30 p.m., I fucked up. Bad.

The kids were playing nicely, running upstairs and downstairs and out the back door onto the deck. We had talked about a wholesome outdoor activity, but I was a little spent, and they were getting plenty of exercise. I figured on snack time, maybe some reading, and then Mom would be home with dinner. Then we’d slide right through the bedtime rituals and bam, done.

I thought about the fresh strawberries in the fridge for a snack, but we had been eating them by the pint for the last few weeks. I glanced at the apples, oranges, and avocados on the counter but was uninspired. And then I remembered the chocolate-covered graham crackers that Mom had bought as a special treat. I had been strictly warned against eating any myself, but of course I had ignored the exhortation.

Haley Willow
2/1/2014 3:12:09 AM

Ragingly dysfunctional family moments, woah. And I am that cleaning lady who goes home to her own ragingly dysfunctional barren life. Wow.