Power Drinkin’

  • 1 sip for each time you see the Power Rangers overemphasize their arm movements.
  • Slam the glass if there are more than 12 fake “whoosh” sounds accompanying hand movements over the course of the fight.
  • 1/2 sip each time a Ranger does a gratuitous flip.
  • 1/2 sip each time a Ranger flails his or her head around wildly while talking.
  • 1 sip each time Billy uses items found in his garage to build a hand-held device that deeply alters the fabric of space-time.
  • 1 sip for each of Billy’s inventions that involve the use of sparklers.
  • 1 sip if Kimberly’s wearing those same white tennis shoes she wears every day.
  • 1 sip if she’s painted her fingernails; 2 sips if the color isn’t pink.
  • Chug if Trini’s fight scenes actually look effective.
  • 1 sip if Trini hugs Kimberly because they’re bestest friends always.
  • Finish the bottle if any two male Power Rangers do this.
  • 1 sip whenever you wonder if that thing Rita wears on her head was stolen from Madonna’s bra drawer.
  • 1 sip each time first-season Rita makes a long, pointless noise such as “Ahhhhhhhhhh!” just so she’ll be saying something while the Japanese actress’ mouth is open.
  • 1 sip whenever Rita says any variant of the phrase “Magic Wand, make my monster grow!”
  • Finish the glass if this arouses any sexual desires within you.
  • Finish the glass if the fake-electric-guitar song playing in the background uses more than two chords.
  • Finish the bottle if it has more than five different words in the lyrics.
  • 1 sip if you wonder why Angel Grove was founded right next to a huge, active volcano.
  • 2 sips if you wonder how the people of Angel Grove manage to rebuild the skyscrapers so fast.
  • Chug the bottle if you wonder why they would use cardboard to do it.

The Public Service Announcement After the Credits

  • 3 sips of Pepto-Bismol if you watch this at all. You’ll need it.
  • 1 sip if the message of the day blatantly contradicts the plot of the preceding episode.
  • 1 sip if a toddler-aged fan appears in this segment.
  • 1 sip if you suspect that all viewers of that age group are already in the back yard kicking each other instead of watching this.
  • Finish every drop of liquor in the house if the moral is that you shouldn’t waste your money on Power Rangers toys.
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