I Said Baby ... Not Maybe


| 11/11/2014 3:46:00 PM


Tags: advice column, marriage advice, workplace advice, family advice,

Sleeping baby

Tim White, PhD, LPC, NCC offers advice on family planning and parenting, LGBT issues, disability issues, education and work issues, relationships, ethics and "unusual" social issues. Send questions to Tim for future columns through his website.

Hi Tim,
I am 32 yrs. old; I have been married for 5 years and a total of 13 years together. I have been ready to have a baby for the last three years. To which my husband says he is ready because he loves his nieces and kids in general, but won’t commit to having kids. I know he loves me; I know he wants kids with me but says that he doesn’t feel financially ready for that responsibility. We are pretty stable. We bought a house in 2008 in a nice area, we both drive cars that are within 5 years old. We are not rich by all means but stable. My friends and family have been asking for years when we would have kids, of course for the longest WE both weren’t feeling ready; we were traveling and just enjoying ourselves.

Now, I feel like he just has so many excuses not to start a family. Like he doesn’t want to share my attention, not ready to be up caring for a child at night (lame), he is scared that my small body frame will suffer (I have back issues but who doesn’t), he wants me to stay at home and care for the kids and now he is not ready, I mean the reasons go on for days. I just don’t know what else to say or do to convince him that no one is ever ready in the way he thinks he needs to be for a child, people just do it. And give him comfort that we will be just fine. I know people say oh don’t worry 32 you're still young, but that’s their opinion, I would've like to at least have my first child at 30, I don’t think that’s asking for a lot. I don’t know if he will ever be ready, and if/when he does get ready, will my body let us down at that point. I feel like I will blame him for keeping me waiting for so long.

What should I do? How should I let him know I can’t wait anymore?

Thank you,
Wanting a Baby