Go Fix Yourself!


| 1/20/2015 11:55:00 AM


Tags: advice column, lgbt advice, education advice, marriage advice,

Same Sex Attraction

Tim White, PhD, LPC, NCC offers advice on family planning and parenting, LGBT issues, disability issues, education and work issues, relationships, ethics and “unusual” social issues. Send questions to Tim for future columns through his website.

Hi Tim,
I'm a man, 50’s, married for 30 years and we have two children who are grown, successful and happy. The problem is our son, “Brian” who is 23. He recently came out as homosexual to the family and we're having a tough time. We already suspected, before he even started school. But at least we had hope that he might not choose this path. We’re Christians and we can’t ignore a clear violation of our faith. It makes me sick. I want to get help for him, to fix him somehow but he won’t discuss it. My wife and daughter and I treat him differently now, and the more we try not to the more uncomfortable he makes us. He brings his “boyfriend” over, but we just treat him like a friend and make him feel welcome. I can’t talk to Brian like we used to do. Sometimes I lay awake at night, crying for my lost boy. I wanted so much for him. On some level, I have to accept his choice to sin. I love my son and I want him to be happy but I follow God’s word too and I need help sorting it all out. I’m aware that reparative therapy is not effective. Is just regular therapy helpful, at least to help him think more clearly about choices? I hope I am coming to the right place. — Disappointed Dad

Hi Disappointed Dad,
You came to the right place if you want the truth. It is the year 2015. Same-sex pairing is found in over 1,000 animal species and 2-4% of the human population; at least by the numbers reported. The legal, anthropological, academic, medical and psychiatric communities have accepted, and finally even the corporate and government communities have started to accept, that same-sex attraction is not a choice at all. Rather, it is a natural variation in human sexuality that deserves nothing less than the respect and opportunities afforded the heterosexually oriented.

Actual empirical and scientific evidence is near conclusive that sexual orientation is not a choice; you can find plenty of references from Truth Wins Out, an organization dedicated to collecting studies from far and wide resources in order to educate the public and challenge the harmful pseudoscience of a scant few, anti-gay charlatans with religious or political agendas. Same-sex attraction is not a choice. Period. So, either your God makes a lot of mistakes, or it occurs naturally. Being gay or lesbian is not just natural, it is beautiful, and we need to be out in the streets with all of our children celebrating it. That includes celebrating your successful and happy son, who is a human being and not a disappointment, broken or a problem. Shame on you for describing him with those words. Contact PFLAG and get into a supportive community where you can learn more about acceptance.

You need help understanding the truth that was already in the hearts of countless little gay boys and girls. Their truth could not be shaken by the brain-washing, the trauma of quackery and fake “reparative therapy,” the shaming, self-hatred, rejection, abandonment, ridicule, bullying, violence and even murder. Their truth remains steadfast; the rest of the world is merely catching up. Now it is your turn. I highly recommend you seek therapy, but not for your son. You are wrong. Your religion, or at least the way you interpret it, is wrong. Be a grownup and own up. For you and anyone else out there who will not accept their gay or lesbian child, I only have three words. Go fix yourself!