That Ship Has Sailed


| 12/17/2014 10:32:00 AM


Tags: advice column, dating advice, family advice,

Woman steering a yacht

Tim White, PhD, LPC, NCC offers advice on family planning and parenting, LGBT issues, disability issues, education and work issues, relationships, ethics and "unusual" social issues. Send questions to Tim for future columns through his website.

Hi Tim,
I’m a fairly attractive man in my middle 20’s. By chance, I was invited to a small yacht party this past summer and met the most beautiful, smart, funny woman, who bore a striking resemblance to Brigitte Bardot. We had the most incredible conversation, danced and talked into the early morning hours. We shared an unexpected and passionate kiss. I wanted to ask for her number and at that point realized that I’d lost my cell phone. I excused myself to look for it, and I was gone about 20 minutes but when I found it and came back, she was gone. I’ve gone through the entire guest list, put notices in the local weekly paper, online, and even posted a sign at the marina asking for any information about the woman of my dreams but no one seems to know her personally. My friends think I’m crazy, but I believe love at first sight is possible and I don’t want to give up on finding this woman. Please don’t murder romance by saying I’m crazy! — Waiting for Bardot

Hi Waiting,
Okay, I agree not to say it. But we both know someone else will. Romance is alive! I am grateful for that. You can be grateful that you shared an interlude with an exciting stranger. Then you can set a date, preferably sooner than later, to move on and accept that she is just not that into you. Even if no one else happened to be acquainted with or met her, your tireless and exhaustive quest for la belle inconnue would surely have been met with any mutual interest by now. Maybe she is otherwise committed and simply got carried away by the moonlight by a “fairly attractive” stranger, or something else altogether. Whatever the circumstances, twenty full minutes is long enough to test any enchantment and invite reality back.

I am not sure what your attractiveness had to do with your story, but your confidence sounds promising for your romantic future. You will have one, too and hopefully with someone as hopelessly romantic as yourself. Do not lose that spark, that romanticism, because it will help you find that person. Do not stop dreaming, but get back to the business of living.

Get Thee to No Nunnery

Hi Tim,
I'm a youngish widow (51) and trying to navigate the dating environment again after 24 years 'off the market'. I was never good at the whole dating thing before my marriage — it seems I suck at it even more now. I've been seeing a pattern in my 'relationships' where we do two dates, on date 3 there's physical relations, date 4 a repeat, then things just die out — either on my side or theirs. The expectation that we'll end up in bed by date 3 is putting me off — I've read online this is what ALL men expect now — is that true?