How to Write a Sex Scene

The 12-step program

| March-April 2005

Now that I am an internationally famous author celebrated for my graphic portrayals of amour (see “A Pervert Among Us,” New York Times Book Review, April 2002, and “How Low Will He Go?” US Magazine, Jan. 2003), I am frequently asked how I manage to write such incredibly hot sex scenes.

My general response to these inquiries is to laugh shyly and say, “Look, kid, ask Updike, he’s even smuttier than me.”

But I must admit that the question is being asked so frequently these days, and with such delicious sycophancy, that I feel duty bound to respond to my public somehow.

Therefore, in the interest of preventing more bad sex writing from entering the cultural jet stream, I am officially setting out my 12-Step Program for Writing Incredibly Hot Scenes.

Step 1: Never compare a woman’s nipples to:
a) Cherries
b) Cherry pits
c) Pencil erasers
d) Frankenstein’s bolts

Nipples are tricky. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and shades. They do not, as a rule, look like much of anything, aside from nipples. So resist making dumbshit comparisons.

1/7/2018 6:46:22 AM

I hate to disillusion you, however, when my lover and I were busy at it. I would tell him to go deeper, harder, faster, slower and fuck me. He would also tell me to suck, squeeze, Neither of us thought of chores, our wives, and husbands, yep we had those and other daily realism. We wanted fun, and boy did we have it. I also multi orgasm, due to excessively sensitive nerve endings. The ones that give electric shocks. I find your hypothesis completely wrong, or your sex life was mundane.

1/6/2018 2:25:41 PM

From my personal experience, I did tell my lover to go deeper or fuck me harder. We spoke dirty at times and the only thing we had in common at the time was having a great time between the sheets or wherever we were at the time, not once did we think of chores, bills or our respective wives and husbands. Yes, I was having an affair with a married man, no it wasn't my husband either. I also multi-orgasm and start quite rapidly as I have nerve endings where they shouldn't be.

12/10/2017 9:15:59 AM

I resent the remark that woman don't orgasm easily. My personal record is 6 minutes. Also, not to say that "You're on my hair" or "Sorry for the knee in the rib cage" doesn't get said but being vocal is arousing. So I'd say go ahead and put in the "Yes! Harder!", "Take my whole shaft", and the "Come for me" moments. Not everyone is quiet in bed. Just saying, think it depends on the characters. Yet, like many people in life, character can surprise you when the lights are off behind closed doors. Or if they're kinky, they can keep the lights on. *wink*

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