American Candidate

Sick and tired of George W. Bush’s bumbling stubbornness? Maybe
John Kerry’s aristocratic demeanor doesn’t suit you either. Well,
then, check out the pictures and sound bites of everyday citizens
posing as challengers in 2004 at AmericanCandidate.com as
you listen to Jimmy Hendrix jam ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ in the
website introduction. Twelve finalists will be selected next month
to compete in 10 episodes on Showtime between August and October.
‘The winner gets $200,000 and a nationwide media appearance after
the show so the ‘American Candidate’ can make his or her address to
the nation,? the website states. Who knows? Maybe your next-door
neighbor really will be a candidate for president.

Until June, though, everyone who applied to American
Candidate is still in the race. Female, male, black, brown,
white, gay, straight, single, or married — it matters not. Let
your fellow Americans judge you on your views and your ability to
convey them. Richard Mack from Provo, UT, would abolish the IRS
because, as he says, ‘freedom cannot survive such a Gestapo-like
organization.’ Ann Carletta from Edgewater, NJ, proclaims herself
‘born to run … for office,’ while seated in her hot, red sports
car. Shaye Harty of Arcata, CA, encourages us to ‘leave a legacy of
love, not war.’ Joseph Wight, an existentialist from Boston, MA,
says ‘I’m raising my hands against the existing order of life.’
Bruce Friedrich of Norfolk, VA announces on a megaphone outside a
KFC (Kitchen Fresh Chicken for those of you who read last
week’s Utne Web Watch!): ‘Animals get a very raw deal. They
feel pain, just like we do.’

AmericanCandidate.com lets you search for candidates
based on the topics they hold most important this election year:
‘Forward-Thinking, Terrorism, Poverty Kills! Truthful, Caring,
Homes Not Jails, Dedicated, Unconventional, Outstanding,
Perspicacious, Pantheist, Bridge-Builder, Capitalist, Instigator,
Compassionate, Pro-Hemp, Dignity, Could, The Vision Thing, Leader,
Fearless, Sticktuitiveness, Tolerance, Honesty, No Secrets,
Pragmatic, Housing, Privacy, Hardworking’ … and many more. Real
issues. Real people. A real chance to vote for what you deem most
important in today’s America.
— Jacob Wheeler