Loyalty Day 2003

The first annual Loyalty Day has come and gone without so much
as a yawn from the mainstream media. Though small communities held
Loyalty Day parades in Virginia, California, Wisconsin, and
Florida, the rest of America hardly noticed. Perhaps we were too
busy operating under the assumption that every day is Loyalty Day.
In case you didn?t receive the memo, here?s Bush?s original
declaration, plus our own set of liner notes:

LOYALTY DAY, 2003
By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation

To be an American is not a matter of blood or birth [as
these are qualifications reserved exclusively for the
presidency]
. Our citizens [of non-Arabic
descent]
are bound by ideals [fallacies]
that represent the hope [greed] of all mankind:
that all men are created equal [unless protected by
Affirmative Action or Title IX]
endowed with unalienable
rights to life, [as a fetus, but not a felon]
liberty [unless you?re an ?enemy combatant? or a ?material
witness?]
and the pursuit of happiness [shopping
and investing in the NASDQ]
. On Loyalty Day [the
holiday formerly known as International Workers? Day]
we
reaffirm our allegiance [either you?re with us or you?re
against us]
to our country [herein known as ?The
Corporation?]
and resolve to uphold the vision
[Patriot Acts I & II] of our Forefathers
[herein known as ?The Board?].

Our founding principles have endured [although that
mid-term election was a close one ?whew!]
, guiding our
Nation toward progress [albeit backward] and
prosperity [tax cuts for the wealthy while the poor must
prove Earned Income Eligibility]
and allowing the United
States [herein known as ?The World?] to be a
leader [Fuehrer] among nations of the world.
Throughout our history, honorable men and women [the
disposable]
have demonstrated their loyalty to America by
[taking a bomb or bullet for undeserving ingrates, such as
myself]
making remarkable sacrifices to preserve and
protect these [market] values.

Today, [by comparison] America?s men and women
in uniform are [disproportionately poor, but earnestly
pursuing education and advancement]
and protecting our
Nation [oil reserves], defending the
[piece, er?] peace of the world, and advancing the
cause of [Jihad] liberty. The world has seen again
the fine character of our Nation [insert laugh track
here]
through our [no longer
citizen-soldier]
military as they [operative word
being ?they?]
fought to protect the innocent and liberate
the oppressed in [or by] Operation Iraqi Freedom.
We are honored by the service of foreign nationals [illegal
immigrants]
in our Armed Services whose willingness to
risk their lives [but God forbid we grant them work
permits]
for [low-wage jobs that we refuse to
do]
a country they cannot yet [and will
never]
call their own is proof of the loyalty
[desperation] this country inspires. Their service
and sacrifice are a testament to their love for America
[the idea, not the government], and our soldiers?
honor on and off the battlefield reaffirms [the New World
Order]
our Nation?s most deeply held beliefs: that every
life counts [your vote, however, doesn?t] and that
all humans have an unalienable right to live as free people
[provided you pass the background check].

These values must be imparted to each new generation
[this being the first ever to expect a lower standard
of living
than the generation before]
. Our children
need to know that [abstinence is next to
godliness]
our Nation is a force for good in the world
[implementing the Global Gag Rule], extending hope
and freedom to others [by way of pre-emptive
strikes]
. By learning about America?s
[Eurocentric] history, achievements, ideas, and
heroes, our young citizens will come to understand even more why
freedom is worth protecting [but not
preserving]
.

Last September, I announced several initiatives that will help
improve students? knowledge of American history
[hegemony], increase their civic involvement
[obedience], and deepen their love for
[materialism] our great country. The We the People
initiative [Motto: ?United We Stand.? Forget that ?Divided
We Fall? jazz]
will encourage [coerce]
the teaching of American history and civic education
[propaganda] by providing grants
[kickbacks] for curriculum development and
training seminars. The Our Documents initiative will use the
Internet to bring [dis]information about and the
text of 100 of America?s most important documents [an
anthology compiled and edited by John Ashcroft]
from the
National Archives to classrooms and communities across the country.
These initiatives are important [mandatory], for
it is only when our children have an understanding of our past that
they will be able to lead the future.

This Loyalty Day, as we express allegiance to our
[Commander-in-Thief] Nation and its founding
[fascist] ideals, we resolve to
ensure that the blessings of liberty [fascism]
endure and extend for generations to come.

The Congress, by Public Law 85-529, as amended, has designated
May 1 of each year as ?Loyalty Day,? and I ask
[command] all Americans to join me [or
suffer the consequences]
in this day of celebration and in
reaffirming our allegiance to our Nation.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, ?President of the United
States of America,? do hereby proclaim May 1, 2003, as Loyalty Day.
I call upon [order] all the people of the United
States [and its ancillary markets] to join in
support of this national [hypocrisy] observance. I
also call upon government [sycophants] officials
to display the flag of the United States on all government
buildings on Loyalty Day.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth
day of April, in the year of our Lord two thousand three, and of
the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred
and twenty-seventh.

GEORGE W. BUSH

Read the original

Loyalty Day declaration

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