Ah, they would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for those
meddling kids. Nope, it’s not a much-maligned plot to haunt the
saltwater taffy ride at old man Kaufman’s amusement park — you
know, the one he refuses to sell to the real estate developers
who’ve discovered that he’s sitting on an oil mine worth millions.
It’s all about movies. Failed summer blockbusters by the
Movie moguls are blaming text-messaging teens for this summer’s
box office failure of films like Charlie’s Angels: Full
Throttle and The Incredible Hulk. Never mind that
these movies with their $100 million-plus budgets are rip-offs of
bad ’70s television. It’s the fault of those Generation D brats and
their high-tech slam books. That’s the story and they’re stickin’
Rick Sands, chief operating officer at Miramax, recently
explained the dilemma to the Los Angeles Times: ‘In the
old days, there used to be a term, ‘buying your gross.’ You could
buy your gross for the weekend and overcome bad word of mouth,
because it took time to filter out into the general audience.’ But
in this age of mobile phones equipped with text-messaging software,
adolescent thumb-tribes can spread a collective thumbs-up or
thumbs-down across the digital grapevine even before the credits
roll on opening night.
Upon removal of his rubber mask, it was discovered that Mr.
Sands was not really Mr. Sands, but rather the greedy J.D.
Pennywiggle, hoping to scare off the other film investors in order
to horde the measly revenues for himself.
— Erin Ferdinand