Releasing Your Inner Hedonist

10 SIGNS YOU’RE IN TOO DEEP
If five or more of the following are true of you, you may be in
need of a hedonistic intervention. Immediately turn off all
electronic devices and lie down.

  1. You no longer remember anyone’s phone number because they’re
    all programmed into your cell phone.
  2. You instant-message people at work who are seated within 20
    feet of you.
  3. You make itineraries for your vacations.
  4. The idea of a full week without Internet access fills you with
    terror.
  5. You are bored at home if the television isn’t on.
  6. You absolutely must watch the news every day to be sure the
    world isn’t ending.
  7. You regularly watch sitcom reruns that you have seen countless
    times before.
  8. You are unable to sit still and think in silence.
  9. Your conversation regularly revolves around the lives of others
    instead of your own.
  10. You buy shoes because they match your iPod.

10 SURE-FIRE WAYS TO SLOW DOWN
Simple and obvious, you say? Well, of course they are. But by
experimenting with these painfully simple procedures, you will be
embarking on a higher journey.

  1. Find a park bench; sit and observe life.
  2. Lie in a hammock and stare at the stars.
  3. Bob in the ocean.
  4. Go for a walk without direction.
  5. Read a book in complete silence.
  6. Take a nap in the sun.
  7. Take a bath by candlelight.
  8. Sleep until you can sleep no more.
  9. Extend foreplay.
  10. Watch Swedish cinema.

Reprinted from The Hedonism Handbook: Mastering the
Lost Arts of Leisure and Pleasure (Da Capo Press, 2004), by
Michael Flocker.

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