Youngers to Elders: Please Help!

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I am in a group of 70 people
gathered at Three Creeks, a ranch in Big Pine, California,
located in the Owens Valley between the White Mountains overlooking Death Valley to the east and the towering Sierra Nevadas
to the west. The valley, once verdant with orchards fed with glacial runoff, is
now parched and mostly barren, its water diverted through culverts to Los Angeles. Three Creeks
is the rare oasis in this dry place. We have traveled here from across the
country and around the world, all of us involved in teaching or supporting
wilderness rites of passage and the Council Process. We range in age from 21 to
84, with most of the group in their early 30s to mid-60s. Three Creeks is the
home of Gigi Coyle and Win Phelps, friends I’ve known for 30 years who’ve
called us here to consider the questions: “What’s going on in your life?” “What
are the challenges you see?” And, “What’s calling you?”

is one of the most tuned-in and intuitively gifted people I know. She is a past
co-director of the Ojai Foundation and long-time trainer with the School of Lost Borders. When Gigi calls, I come.
We’ve been working with the four directions during our retreat. Yesterday, when
we were in the West, the direction of darkness, dreams, and decay, we heard
four impeccably researched and movingly delivered presentations on the state of
our world, focusing on water, waste, women and war. Afterwards I felt
devastated. When each person had a chance to speak, I heard myself say, “I feel

our group of 70 is completing our retreat, working with the East, the direction
of vision, spirit and renewal. We are standing in two concentric circles inside
the Heron Hut, a spiral-shaped meditation and council chamber. Those in the
inner circle are standing on the smooth earthen floor, and those of us in the
outer circle are standing atop the built-in adobe bench that rings the interior
space. In a few words, each of us offers a prayer, or declares his or her
intentions for the future. The last person to speak, at 21, is the youngest in
the group by nearly ten years. She appears reluctant to step into the circle.
When she does she moves silently to the center, sits down before the open fire
and plays with it, burning twigs and dry grass in the flames, then flicking
drops of water from a nearby bowl onto the coals, creating the occasional hiss
and pop.

about five minutes she gets up and begins circling the fire, surrounded by the
tired but transfixed assemblage. I find myself worrying about the
80-somethings– the group has been standing for well over an hour. Finally the
young woman speaks, “I need your help. I don’t know what to do with what’s
coming toward us. I need you who are older to be elders. I need your wisdom and
guidance. Please help.”

On the plane homefrom
the Three Creeks gathering, the young woman’s
words come back to me. “I need you who
are older to be elders. I need your wisdom
and guidance. Please help.”

is what is being asked of Baby Boomers today. Instead of trying to prolong our
youth we should be helping young people face the burdens and responsibilities
of adulthood. And we need to work together to heal our broken world. I think of
the mentors in my life, and the gifts they gave me. Perhaps most meaningful was
the gift from my stepgrandmother, Brenda Ueland. Brenda knew how to bless. She
was the most encouraging person I ever met, seemingly interested in everything
I had to say, no matter how mundane.She made me feel bold, noble, and
full of promise and even potential greatness. She did the same for almost
everyone around her.

these seemingly hopeless times, this is what elders can do for youngers–help them
to see and remember who they are, and to find the courage and confidence to
face the future. Help them to know that their lives make a difference. And, as Brenda
put it, help them realize that “they have a star on their forehead, and their existence
cheers up the world.”

course, mentoring is a two-way street. If we start listening to our young, there’s
a bonus for elders as well. We just might get our hope back.

Eric Utne is the founder of Utne Reader.

Image: Chris Lyons /, courtesy of the School of Lost Borders. 

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