November 22, 2009
UTNE READER

Not One of Those Mothers

(Page 3 of 3)

May - June 2008
by Kate Trump O’Connor, from Brain, Child 
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I know when he wakes in the morning, he’ll pull off the oxygen tube (he needs it only when he’s sleeping) and greet me with a loud good-morning babble. His big brother will come in, asking to go downstairs and watch cartoons. “Bring Tommy down, too,” he’ll say, because to my amazement, after all we’ve been through, they’re close as brothers can be.

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If you had told me two years ago that this child would come into my life, I would have wished I could be the mother you thought I was, but I would have known deep down that I was not. If you had told me that I would sit here today by Thomas’ crib and say that on most days I don’t think much about his having Down syndrome, I would have said you have a fantastic imagination.

But the truth is, whoever or whatever is in charge of baby placement didn’t see anything in me that is not in everyone—the capacity to love our children beyond measure and reason, beyond diagnosis and fear, beyond uncertainty and self. I wasn’t picked to be Thomas’ mom because I am special; I was made special because I am his mom. When I took him in my arms for the first time and gazed into his eyes, I saw only my beautiful, perfect son.

 

Kate Trump O’Connor lives outside Boston with her husband, two sons, and twin daughters. Her website is www.ktoconnor.com. Excerpted from Brain, Child(Winter 2008). Subscriptions: $19.95/yr. (4 issues) from Box 714, Lexington, VA 24450; www.brainchild mag.com.

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  • Lianna 1/24/2009 1:39:38 PM

    Since my son was born, I've read many many "new mother" stories. Kate Trump O'Connor's story describes perfectly how I feel about mothering my son with Down syndrome. Thank you for writing/publishing this beautiful article!

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